|Please excuse our acronym, but we at C.U.N.T.S.
would like to point out that nicotine and tobacco occur naturally in the world; and fire
occurs naturally as well. So, we regard the inhaling of tobacco smoke as a natural act.
CUSTOMERS DYING OFF
We sell tobacco for our livelihood and since one out of every two smokers die from the habit we need a constant supply of new recruits. The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that 10,000 people die from tobacco use every day. So as you can see, we are in desperate need for new customers.
The American Heart Association reports that Second-Hand Indoor Tobacco Smoke (also called SHITS) kills over 50,000 Americans per year due to heart disease alone. So smoking is killing adults who don't smoke as well. SHITS is now recognized as Canadas third leading preventable cause of death, after first-hand tobacco use & alcohol. SHITS kills more Canadians than fires, homicides, suicides, plane crashes, drowning, and AIDS combined--and first-hand tobacco use kills over ten times more. As you can plainly see, our industry could be at the brink of collapse if children are encouraged not to become addicted to nicotine.
We are pleased to see that sales of fruit flavored snuff are on the increase. Children that enjoy this candy-like snuff now will certainly become addicted to nicotine--and as narcotic addicts will attest, these children will graduate to smoking because the lungs provide the quickest path for drugs to reach the brain.
We also applaud our members who have conducted marketing research on children and found that children as young as five years old can be persuaded to choose and be loyal to a brand of cigarettes.
SPINOFFS HELP ECONOMY
We all pay our governments to look out for our public health. And with tobacco killing every other long-time user, there simply arent any bigger public-health issues out there. If present third-world trends continue, the WHO estimates that tobacco will kill 10 million people annually by 2025, surpassing poverty as the worlds leading cause of death. Over 200 million children and teenagers now alive will die from tobacco. And even though some of them will be children you know, it is imperative--for the sake of the economy--that we encourage children to smoke.
Tobacco farmers, tobacco product manufacturers, pharmacies, food stores, smoke shops, gas stations, and many other retail outlets all earn some or all of their revenue from the sale of tobacco products. It is not only our Union members whose livelihood is at stake. So many people become so sick in so many ways from SHITS and first-hand smoking that a significant number of people earn their income working in hospitals and medical offices and supporting cessation programs. Many more government employees are needed to collect the taxes, control the distribution and sale of tobacco products, and enforce by-laws regarding smoking.
Then there is the restaurant industry. Dining at restaurants is a glamorous event and we need that association of glamour to help us sell cigarettes, and likewise, the restaurant industry needs the association of socializing and relaxing while smoking. Our livelihood depends on it.
SMOKERS ARE WIMPS ANYWAY
Peoples lives are insignificant in the scheme
of things anyway. We are a strong union and it is our right to gain new clients
that are too weak to kick the addiction of nicotine. We object to government
interference with Charles Darwin's law of
the strong surviving over the weak. So please, for the sake of our
livelihood, let us live up to our