I think you have understood pretty well what mainstream Christianity has

to say about God and I agree with you that it is a very confusing and

contradictory.

Should you ever want to know the true Gospel of Jesus Christ, contact

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and ask for an

explanation of the Plan of Salvation. When you answer the three

questions:

why I am here?

where did I come from?

what happens after this life?

then you will capable of understanding the true nature of God and your

role in your life.